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The Value of Free Play

Why Parents Need to Step Back and Just Observe Sometimes

By Rae Pica, Children's Physical Activity Specialist

Not long ago, a young mom asked me if it was all right if her children sometimes played by themselves. I didn't quite understand the question and asked her to clarify. She felt guilty, she said, if she let her older children out to play in the backyard without accompanying them, or left her toddler to his own devices when playing indoors while she just observed. She thought she should be doing something – playing with them, or perhaps just making sure they were doing, or learning, something.

Having grown up as I did – with the idea of my mother accompanying my playmates and me an appalling notion – I was momentarily dumbfounded by her query. But she was so sincere, and I realized in the next moment that she wasn't alone in her concern; many of today's parents have been led to believe they must accompany, accommodate and oversee their children at every possible moment. This young woman felt it wasn't enough to occasionally check on the children (as she perhaps took the opportunity to catch up on some housework). She believed she was failing them in some way if she wasn't right in the midst of their play.

Well, I'm here to promise you – as I promised her – that your children will do just fine playing without you. Actually they'll do better than fine – for all kinds of reasons. Foremost among them is the fact that we want our children to grow up to be autonomous – independent, self-directed, self-sufficient people! A child who hasn't had plenty of chances to be independent, self-directed and self-sufficient isn't going to suddenly acquire such character traits as an adult. Nor is the adult who never learned to play as a child going to know how to keep himself entertained. Moreover, that adult won't be able to demonstrate playfulness to his own children.

Want to see more?

• The Value of Play: Why Kids Just Need to Be Kids
• Indoor Explorers: Having a Blast When You Can't Play Outside
• From Imitative Play to Imaginative Play: How Toddlers Develop and Make the Transition
• Talk about it!
• Check out our Article Library.

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