quick clicks

dads today articles

dads today q&a

message boards

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

Spousal Support

The Guys' Guide to In Vitro Fertiliation

By Kelly Burgess

Understand the process. Don't be embarrassed. Remain positive. Participate. Don't be afraid to seek outside support.

This advice is from a dad who has been there, done that: "that" being going through the process of in vitro fertilization (IVF) with his wife. It was stressful and terrifying, but, ultimately, successful.

The thing that really struck Bob Marovitz, of Chicago, Ill., when he and his wife were going through fertility treatments, was how differently men and women interacted with the other patients. "The first time we went into Dr. Kaplan's office there were three men in the waiting room, and when I walked in no one looked up at me," says Marovitz. "They weren't looking at each other, and they almost seemed to be embarrassed to be there with their wives. They didn't want to acknowledge what they were going through."

Meanwhile, throughout the process, Marovitz noticed that the wives were constantly discussing the stages they were in and giving each other support. That's when he decided it was time to speak out about what it means to be a man in that situation and to encourage other men to be more forthcoming about their feelings.

Marovitz, founder of RIM Enrichment Coaching, says his experience as a personal life coach makes him worry that if they keep their feelings in now, it will blow up later, affecting their marriages and their lives.

Experts say this lack of communication – even embarrassment – is common, and it's something that many infertility centers are actively working to combat. Traditionally, the problem has been that there is so much focus on the woman that the man begins to feel as if he's nothing but a sperm donor.

Want to see more?

• Fuzzy Blue Hippo: A Hopeful Dad's Wait for Conception
• Male Factor Infertility
• The Infertility Marketplace: How Success Rates Are Advertised
• Talk about it!