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Miles Between Us: Long Distance Dads
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
Gypsies are people who travel from town to town their entire lives, never staying in one place too long. Gypsies would often create tales and myths, spreading them from one place to another. There are "gypsy" myths related to the long-distance Dad as well. The most popular myth -- making up for your absence. "The most common mistake traveling parents make is the attempt to compensate for absences," says Reeves. "To prove to kids, and let's face it -- to prove to ourselves -- that we are 'super dads,' we transform an otherwise leisurely weekend into a marathon of activities. This takes a nasty turn when the activities have much more to do with adult enjoyment than engagement between parent and child. Some better ideas: Be fully present at the Saturday morning soccer game -- encouraging and focusing on your child, not exchanging road warrior stories with the other [traveling] parents. If a trip has been promised, then it's a promise. However, it should be initiated by the parent, not the result of whining and nagging by the child taking advantage of a parent feeling guilty."
"My weekdays are full of flying from place to place to help businesses set up their communications systems," says Brett Fisher, a communications director from Miami, Fla. "My kids know how much I miss them because I tell them. I will often tell them that I will 'make it up' to them when I get home and ask them to think about what they want to do. Sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't, I will take them places and buy them things so they know I love them. I guess maybe I am doing it out of guilt, but I feel so terrible about being gone so much, what else can I do?"
