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Baby Bonding

Dads and Their Newborns

By Cara J. Stevens

Once the much-awaited baby arrives, the breathless anticipation is often replaced with questions: Who is this person? Who will it become? What is my role in its development? Why does it have to smell so funny and cry so loudly?

Many efforts at soothing or attending to your little one are met with little response. Fortunately for moms, the process of carrying, giving birth to and in many cases feeding the baby from their own body creates a natural, biochemical bond before the baby is even born. The unfortunate flip side of that is that it's all too easy for dads to feel left out.

Some fathers respond to this lack of meaningful exchange by simply removing themselves from the picture, wrongfully assuming that this is the mom's time to take care of the child, and they'll jump in and pick up once the baby starts to notice the world outside the mother/child bond.

The problem fathers face is that while bonding is a reciprocal process, it has to start somewhere. In this case, the dad who puts himself into the equation early on, even when the baby shows little or no recognition, has a big head start on forging a parent-child bond once the child is capable of noticing the world around him.

The first step in feeling involved is thinking of yourself as a parent before the baby even arrives. "One way a dad can prepare for the birth of a child is to participate in all the medical checkups and birthing classes that come before the birth of the child," says Dr. Klinger. "Many mothers have told us that they cam to doubt the sincerity of the new father's commitment to parenting because they took little interest in the process of pregnancy."

Want to see more?

• She Won't Break: New Dads With Newborn Fears
• Postpartum Dad Series
• What the Parenting Books Don't Tell You: 12 Tips for New Dads
• Emotional Connections: Start the Bonding Process at Day One
• Bonding Without Breasts: Understanding Dad's Role in the Nursing Relationship
• Talk about it!

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