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What Parenting Books Don't Tell You

10 Tips for New Dads

By I.J. Schecter

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y good substitutes for elaborate toys. Even your fingers moving in rhythmic patterns can be captivating to your infant and just as good for his or her development. So don't worry if your friends have every toy under the sun. Their baby isn't getting any stimulation yours isn't.

9. You always wanted to take an improv class, didn't you? Raising a newborn means constantly making decisions on the fly. You're going to find yourselves faced with important decisions at every turn ("Why do you think he's crying?" "Should we bathe him tonight?" "Are these diapers getting too small?"), and only a fraction of the time will the answers be obvious. Do not rebuke each other for making wrong guesses. Give yourselves a pat on the back when you get it right and see the other times for what they are: wonderful learning experiences that bring you and your baby closer together.

10. Encourage your wife's bond with the baby. Because she is the baby's primary caregiver for the first several months, your wife is going to develop a different type of bond with him than you are. (If someone fed you every single meal for several months, wouldn't you feel close to them?) If she makes parenting suggestions or sometimes asks to hold the baby instead of you to calm him, don't pout. She's not saying you're a bad father – she's simply proud of knowing her baby better than anyone else. A strong, healthy attachment to Mommy in those first months is a good thing, and you should celebrate it. "I love the way he looks at you," or "It's fantastic how well you know him" are much better responses from you than "What's wrong with the way I'm doing it?" Over time, there will be periods where the baby prefers Mommy and periods when he prefers you. The point isn't to see who can be the favorite more often, it's to be the best parenting duo you can be.

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