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Mediate ... Me? (Yes, You)

10 Ways to Help People Settle Their Differences

Mind reading is not magic. It is a combination of observation and intuition, which is born of experience. "You can learn a lot about how each party sees a dispute by paying attention to body language and listening closely not only to their words but also to the emotional tone behind their words," Krivis says. "If you give them the opportunity, most people involved in a dispute will gladly talk about themselves, which gives you a chance to ask more questions and gain more information about their perspective. Once you see things from their point of view, you can stay one step ahead of them by anticipating how they might react and managing the negotiation accordingly."

In every negotiation, there is a tension between the desire to compete and the desire to cooperate. Be on the lookout for signals that support a cooperative environment. That's where the most creative solutions are born. These kinds of "joint gains" are often born of conflict.

Another story in Improvisational Negotiation centers on a negotiation involving a wealthy woman who said that while on his deathbed her former lover and business partner gave her a written agreement that she would have the apartment building they owned together. Unfortunately, the agreement was not mentioned in the will so the charities that were in the will thought the building should be theirs.

Krivis knew that the woman was very wealthy and wouldn't be concerned about the money she could receive from the building, so he asked what was motivating her to continue with the suit. She explained to him that her son had recently committed suicide and she wanted to turn the apartmet building into a place where troubled people like him could go for help. She had never shared her idea before and Krivis recognized that the charities might be interested in this new information. The charities loved the idea and the woman was thrilled that the property would be used as a residential and outpatient treatment facility for people with multiple physical and emotional problems.

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