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Grief and Toddlers
Can They Understand Loss? By Kelly Burgess
"Kids don't just get over it," Vorsheck says. "They are resilient, but losing a parent young stays with them for a very long time. We often hear from adults who lost parents as children and still grieve the fact that they never had a chance to build a relationship."
Often, it's milestones that can bring back that grief, such as making a Mother's Day card in first grade or a graduation or a marriage. It's hurtful to realize that the parent can't be there to share that, and it can even be harder as they get older and begin to truly understand the permanence of death.
Vorsheck says the most important thing of all is just to listen and to be willing to admit you don't have the answers. For example, if a child asks where Mommy or Daddy is, and you don't know what to say, it's OK to say you don't know. If you come from a strong spiritual belief, that can help with the answers, but if you don't, don't be afraid to ask the child, "What do you think?" Try to find the answers together.
"As parents, when a child is hurting, we often feel we need to have the answers and to fix it, but there's no fix for this other than to bring the person back, and we can't do that," Vorsheck says. "This is a part of life, although a very difficult part, and we need to approach it with honesty."
