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Home › Articles › Essays › The Turnaround

The Turnaround

Unexpectedly Stepping into Parenthood

By Joseph Trussell

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We were that smug couple. You know the ones: the couple who would never, ever have kids. The ones who, in social situations around parents or children, say things like "it's just not for us" and "I have a hard enough time taking care of myself."

In retrospect, childlessness was almost an unspoken condition of Vanessa's and my matrimony. Sure, we loved our nieces and nephews and had nothing but respect (albeit detached respect) for those who had decided to go down the parenthood highway, but as we sat on a sun-drenched beach sipping piña coladas on our honeymoon, I remember my new bride turning to me with a smile and saying, "Could we do this if we had kids?"

Several additional instances of self-absorption manifested themselves during the early months of our marriage:

1. A wild-and-loud Chuck E. Cheese birthday party for our 3-year-old niece, during which I was heard to say, "They should bring teenagers here as a way to curb unprotected sex."

2. Looking for and finding our first home, where we both exclaimed, "This one is perfect for two adults!"

3. At a party on one cold November Saturday night when a friend brought along his girlfriend's two children, and we both remarked openly that "These parties are for adults, not children."

Smell of Change in the Air
The snowy Sunday morning after that third event would change our perspective quite decisively. We were chatting as I scrambled Swiss cheese eggs, when suddenly Vanessa turned and ran for the bathroom. Through the slammed door, I could hear her gagging. When she opened the door, pale and upset, I looked at her quizzically. "What happened? Are you OK?"

But to my own private shock, "OK" was not the first term that popped into my mind.


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