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Parent Talk
By Chick Moorman
When my parent talk was, "You're a car," Matt said to himself, "No, I'm not," or "What is my dad doing?" or "He sure doesn't know me." When Randy called him stupid, he could have said to himself, "No, I'm not," or "What's the matter with Randy?" or "He sure doesn't know me."
You can't control the entire world and get everyone to talk to you just the way you want to be talked to. But you can always control how you talk to yourself about how others talk to you. Making your talk more important than their talk is a sign of maturity and self-responsibility and a skill we can help our children learn.
Teach your children where their power truly is. Help them appreciate the fact that their power is not controlling what others say to them. Their power lies within and is regulated by how they choose to talk to themselves.
Gerardo's father assisted his son's effort to master multiplication tables by using flash cards to give the boy practice. Following one week's worth of practice sessions, Gerardo presented his parents with a school paper that revealed 100 percent correct on a multiplication work sheet. His father's comment was short and to the point. "Persistence," he said, as he placed his hand on Gerardo's shoulder and gave a light squeeze.
Pamela's grandfather observed in stunned silence as she constructed a vehicle from the pieces of the erector set he had given her on her birthday. "Ingenuity," he responded, as Pamela moved the creation across the floor.
In each of these cases, the adult chose to use a highly effective parent talk strategy: Sum it up in one word. To use this strategy, observe your child and determine which positive attribute she is displaying. Pick one word that summarizes that attribute and say it aloud with no other words attached. All of these work well:
- Caring
- Self-control
- Faith
- Willpower
- Effort
- Follow-through
- Love
- Courage
- Appreciation
- Honesty
- Responsibility
- Respect
