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Parent Talk
By Chick Moorman
| You're a Car Matt, age 6, came in the house crying hysterically. Tears flowed down his cheeks and he couldn't catch his breath. I put him on my lap and held him close. His breathing slowed as I rubbed his back, but the stream of tears continued. "What's wrong?" I asked as I continued to rub him. "Randy," he blurted out between sobs. "Randy hit you?" "No." "Randy knocked you down?" "No." "What?" "Randy," sob, sob, "called me stupid!" Randy was Matt's 12-year-old brother, and occasionally he chose behaviors like calling Matt stupid. "Randy called you stupid?" I repeated. "Yes." I turned Matt around, looked him straight in the eye, and launched into some unusual parent talk. "You're a car!" I told him. "What?" "You're a car!" "Dad, what are you doing?" "I'm calling you a car. Car, Car, Car, Car, Car!" By this time Matt had stopped crying. I had his full attention. "Matt, there's something interesting going on here," I told him. "I'm calling you a car and you're not crying." "Ya." "Would you mind explaining that to me?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, I'm calling you a car and you're not crying. How come?" "Dad," he offered with a disgusted look on his face, "I'm not a car!" Then I had him. "Well, you know what, Matt? You're not stupid either." "Ohh," I heard him say, and I could see the wheels beginning to turn in his head. |
Matt was having his first encounter with a concept that could positively affect the rest of his life. It is this:
More important than what somebody says to you is what you say to yourself about what they say to you.
