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Boys Will Be Boys
War Games and Your Son
By Sue Marquette Poremba
Even though there are girls who have an interest in the military, boys tend to be more obsessed with war, its history and its strategy. One reason is because it acts as a rite of socialization for boys. One evening, my son came in the house after playing basketball with the neighborhood boys. He plopped on the couch, picked up the remote control and clicked on CNN, while at the same time asking his dad, "Anything new in the war?" Couldn't he go one evening without the latest war update? He challenged my concern with, "Then what am I supposed to talk about at the lunch table?"
This is what boys do, Gillan says. "Boys are externalizers," he says. "They are action-oriented, but they are also governed by rules and strategy. It's why they like sports, and it's why they're fascinated with war." War, like sports, allows them to socialize through a bonded aggressiveness.
The video games provide fantasy play, allowing the boys to be in control. (Game cheats sometimes give the fantasy play a bizarre twist – I doubt there was air warfare in 1865.) These games and the avid interest in all things military that they spawned have replaced Pokemon cards from their elementary school days. Even though the games can be violent – it is war, after all – the boys will tell you that it's the strategy of the war games that they love. It's why they play the games. It's why they watch the cable news channels so intently. It's why my son and his friends memorized the maps and artillery details printed in magazines.
