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Home › Articles › Relationships › Marriage Postpartum

Marriage Postpartum

Working Through the Rough Spots

By Tamar Weiss

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From her husband's perspective, Green says, he felt he worked tirelessly to support the family financially, and as a result he would miss the milestones that the baby achieved. "Neither of us was feeling very appreciated," Green says.

Adjusting to New Roles
"Relationships become tense in the few months after a baby is born because roles that were previously played as husband and wife are now expanded to include husband/wife and mother/father," says Robin Brinn, CSW, director of the Greenberg Manhattan West Clinic of Jewish Board of Family and Children Services. "Taking care of a new baby is both thrilling and demanding with both parents challenged to perform unfamiliar tasks, work as a team and negotiate new and unfamiliar issues." In addition, she explains, a new baby's sleep cycle can leave couples feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. They "are less able to tend to each other's emotional needs as partners as the baby becomes the primary focus of the new family," Brinn says.

Douglas Ingram, a stay-at-home dad, recalls a great deal of tension in his marriage shortly after the birth of their son. "Dealing with a newborn is not the most natural of activities for a man to handle, no matter how enlightened he is, and I struggled to find my way," Ingram says. "I complained about Karen working too many hours and not doing enough around the house to help me, but the complaints were more a reflection at my own frustrations than realistic critiques of her. Fortunately my attitudes evolved before we killed each other or got divorced," says Ingram, joking.

As their son got older, though, the Ingrams were better able to work out their difficulties, due to Douglas becoming more relaxed with the baby and Karen working a bit less. "The key word to working through stuff is compromise," Ingram says. "She cut back on her hours a little and agreed to help more, provided I was very specific in my requests and didn't nag her about it."


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