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Arguing and Back-Talk

Excerpted from Perfect Parenting by Elizabeth Pantley

Whenever a child talks back, immediately stop the conversation and walk out of the room or walk away from the child. If the child follows you, calmly and firmly announce that you will not tolerate disrespect, then pointedly ignore the child. Later, when you have calmed down, decide on an appropriate consequence for the back-talk.

Tape your child's allowance, in quarters, to a piece of cardboard. Tell your child that each time he talks back to you he will lose a quarter from his allowance as a "fine." He'll get what's left at the end of the week. If your child uses up all the quarters, begin to add a chore, or eliminate a privilege for each offense. Start fresh with each new week. This series of events is meant to be a temporary "training" situation. When the problem seems under control, let your child know that you appreciate his efforts to control the back-talk, and that you'll no longer be charging the fine. However, make it clear that if the behavior ever becomes a problem again, you'd be happy to head to the bank for a roll of quarters.

If a normally respectful child makes a disrespectful comment, look him in the eye and make a serious, firm comment such as, "That is back-talk and is not allowed." Continue the conversation as if the back-talk did not occur, expecting the child to comply with your request. Do not empower the back-talk by arguing the issue that triggered it.