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Just Your Type

Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using Personality Type

By Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger

What might have happened if Susan and Jeff had had a better, more constructive way of communicating with each other? What if they had not only understood their differences but also viewed them positively and as a source of richness? And what if instead of trying to change each other, they had reveled in their individuality and worked together to establish common ground? Maybe they could have avoided some of the pain they both felt and saved their marriage. Perhaps.

Although not all couples are as seemingly mismatched as Susan and Jeff, many are. According to our latest research -- an extensive couples survey project comprising a scientific survey and in-depth interviews -- more than 40 percent of couples report experiencing regular relationship difficulties that range from vague dissatisfaction and frustration to outright misery. Most couples sincerely want things to be better between them, but because they don't even understand the problems, they can't figure out how to fix them. Why are so many people so dissatisfied? Why is it so difficult to make a relationship work? After all, doesn't "love conquer all?"

Obviously, there are many reasons relationships fail, but an important one is that most people enter into relationships when they're young and inexperienced and simply don't know much about themselves, let alone their partners. When you add to this the enormous pressure put on young people to "settle down" (and get married) by well-meaning parents, friends, religious institutions and media, it's not surprising that so many jump into marriage assuming this is the way it's supposed to be. And despite the fact that the life expectancy today far outpaces that of only a couple of generations ago -- when being married forlife meant maybe 20 years -- we still have the expectation that we'll live happily ever after with our one true love, even though that could be as long as 60 years. That's a long time, even for a great marriage!