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Don't Just Say "No"
Setting Effective Boundaries By Kelly Burgess
Kids may not believe this but it's true: We set limits because we love them. We nab that 1-year-old before he toddles into the street and let him know by our obvious fear and disapproval that it's dangerous. Limits are just as important later when children become involved in school activities and in their social life that parents are not directly supervising. Setting limits from the beginning in a reasonable, loving way will help a child develop a sense of responsibility and self-control that will serve him or her well all through life.
According to most experts, what's probably most important is the parent's ability to set reasonable limits. In its position statement on effective parenting, The National Association of School Psychologists writes: "Limits can help children feel that the world is orderly, predictable and safe. Parents should consider the child's age and development when setting limits. Limits should be enforced consistently, and there should be clear and appropriate consequences when those limits are challenged."
In other words, life should not be a series of negatives, especially for the very young child. Studies have shown that children who are raised with too many rules and regulations often don't develop effective social skills and can become rebellious later in life.
"This is a particular problem with very intelligent and verbal parents who have children that are very intelligent and verbal," says Dr. Phelan. "Parents tend to forget they're just a kid and the parent will continually explain and then become furious when the child keeps doing the same thing 'wrong' in spite of that. The job of the parents is to help, model and praise in a nonjudgmental way."
