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Better in Bed
How Self Image Affects Sex Life
By Teri Brown
According to Zoldbrod, many women are hypercritical of their bodies and, during sex, mentally hover above the scene, critiquing how they look. Women need to be able to ask for and receive the correct stimulation and to focus internally on their own sensations consistently enough to orgasm.
"Concerns about being too fat, droopy breasts, too much hair, thick thighs – all of these things prevent women from being able to immerse themselves in sexual pleasure," Zoldbrod says.
Beth*, from Ann Arbor, Mich., knows firsthand how poor body image interferes with enjoying a positive sex life.
"I hate to be naked," says Beth, a stay-at-home mom of three. "I never lost all the baby weight from baby No. 2, and I just had baby No. 3. I went from a size 2 to a 10, which is not fat, medically speaking, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling ill."
Her husband is supportive and doesn't seem to care that she isn't in the same physical shape as when she married him, but that doesn't matter to Beth. "My husband repeatedly tells me how beautiful I am," Beth says. "But I don't feel it. I don't feel sexy. I feel frumpy and flabby. This makes it very hard to get in the mood, so to speak, because all I think about is how gross I am. I just keep thinking, 'When I'm skinnier again...' He isn't losing patience with me, yet, but he doesn't understand why I keep avoiding intimacy."
Nili Sachs, Ph.D., a marriage therapist for 27 years, has written Booby-Trapped: How to Feel Normal in a Breast-Obsessed World
