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Redefining Your Relationships
An Inside Look at Emotional Intimacy By Neilia Sherman
Time alone without the distractions of household chores or children allows for conversations that aren't interrupted and spontaneous, intimate moments.
It is important to realize there is no quick or easy route to intimacy. An expectation of being intimate immediately with everyone you meet will lead to disappointment. The establishment of intimacy requires a natural growth of the relationship but it does not come without effort. Some people may find themselves feeling blocked by fear of rejection based on past experiences. It is easy to fall back into old patterns of retreating into oneself, even when you're trying to work on developing a relationship. In his book, Fear of Intimacy (American Psychological Association, 2000), Robert Firestone suggests that exploring true intimacy goes against the self-protective mechanism that many people develop in childhood to guard against emotional pain. 
For those who find themselves unable to develop satisfying relationships because of their inability to take emotional risks, Firestone recommends counseling.
"If intimacy is to be achieved, then both partners must let go of any previous baggage and take that leap of faith," Barkin says. "It doesn't mean creating an unhealthy dependence but rather, being prepared to be who you really are, and trusting your partner enough to allow them to accept and love you. Likewise, one must ultimately accept a partner for who they are ... recognizing that they may have limitations and may not conform to your level of expressiveness.
"When you get right down to it, loving somebody for the qualities they truly possess and not for those you wishfully project upon them is the best recipe for real intimacy."
