- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- dads today articles
- dads today q&a
- message boards
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
 |
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
How to Promote Responsibility
Holiday Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards
By Marvin Marshall
- What do you want?
- Is what you are choosing to do helping you get what you want?
- If what you are choosing to do is not getting you what you want, then what is your plan?
- What are your procedures to implement your plan – specifically, what will you do? What else?
Be cautious of "why?" questions; they allow the person to give an excuse, be a victim and avoid responsibility. Besides, young people often do not know or find it difficult to articulate why they do what they do.
Limit your "telling." This requires constant attention. Although your telling may be to help, it is received as criticism. Telling sends a negative message – especially to adolescents – that what the youngster is doing is not good enough.
Consider this: When you tell, who does the thinking? When you ask, who does the thinking?
Seek to understand. Listen to your child – without inserting your opinion. Be curious instead of judgmental. Cultivating the habit of listening to understand can transform relationships. Avoid listening in anticipation of what you think your child will say. This poor listening habit will tempt you to interrupt. Listen to learn. Your child wants to be acknowledged. A parent who listens well acknowledges. Besides, your listening can be a model for adolescents who do not listen well. "Zip the lip" is extremely difficult for a parent, but it is the surest way to improve communications.
