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How to Promote Responsibility

Holiday Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards

By Marvin Marshall

Parents scramble to find just the right gift for their children each holiday season. Certain toys are in great demand, and some parents will stand in line so their child will not be disappointed Christmas morning. However, there is one gift we can give our kids that will outlast the toys and the excitement of Christmas. It is a gift our kids will treasure and use their entire lives: responsibility. Here are some practical and proven tips to help your child build a sense of responsibility that will guide his or her life.

 

Become aware of the number of times you state something negatively that could be stated positively. Also, promise with the positive by using contingencies, rather than consequences – which are usually interpreted as punishments. Saying the following sentence means spelling out a positive contingency: "As soon as you finish your work, you can go." This is more effective than saying the same message in a negative way: "If your work is not done, you're not going."

 

Choice empowers. The choices can be limited, but the sooner a young person starts to make choices, the more responsible he or she will become. If a youngster will not do chores or fulfill responsibilities, increase the number of options so the child has more choices. Choice gives ownership, a critical component for changing behavior.

In relationships, not losing is more important than winning. As long as a person has a choice, the person does not lose. Your child has a desire for power, for control. Offer reasonable choices.

Choices are both conscious and unconscious (or habitual). A person always has the possibility to choose a response – be it to a situation, a stimulus or an urge. Teach "choice-response" thinking. Don't accept victim-type thinking, which is counterproductive to fostering responsibility. Examples of victim-type thinking are "He made me do it," "I couldn't control myself" and "I had no other choice." Explore options.

Want to see more?

• Developing a Relationship With Your Stepchildren: Help for New Stepmoms
• Raising a Thinking Child
• The Power of Choice
• The Role of Responsibility: How Much Is Too Much?
• Learning to Let Go: Why Growing up Is Hard on You
• Talk about it!