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Parents, Lovers or Partners?
How to Have It All By Carma Haley Shoemaker
Overcoming StrainsOf course, adding a baby doesn't spell doom for a relationship. Babies can, in the end, bring couples closer together. The important thing is to be aware of problem areas and take steps to correct them. According to Hanson, there are some basic rules that couples should keep in mind, especially when a marriage is already strained by the addition of a new member: - Keep a civil tongue. Try to speak accurately and constructively, and ask your partner to do the same.
- Focus on empathy. Empathy means understanding, not necessarily agreement. Try asking three questions in a row about the inner thoughts and feelings of each other.
- Make agreements. Come to an understanding about childrearing practices, sharing the load or how you interact. If your partner will not keep the agreements, consider involving a third party like a therapist.
- Make time for your relationship. Do some childrearing or housework tasks together; insist that older children leave you alone for 10 minutes so you can talk; have a regular date night; go to bed at the same time.
- Be intimate friends, not just co-parents. On a foundation of communication and teamwork, build daily affection into your relationship. Let yourself be nurtured by the love you feel for each other. You are partners in the profound undertaking of raising your precious children.
Advice to Avoid StrainsOften it is the mother who typically does the majority of the tasks related to home and Baby and so absorbs the majority of the strain, says Hanson. To offset these strains, concentrating on personal care and attention can do wonders. "I recommend a whole list of self-care suggestions for mothers," Hanson says. "By improving her personal well-being, a mom can cope better in her relationships, in her daily life and in raising her children."
Overcoming StrainsFor Your Mind:
