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Listen Up!
Why We Shouldn't Yell at Our Children By Kelly Burgess
"Saying things like, 'what a slob,' 'you got food all over the table' or 'you're so clumsy; youwon't ever be able to hit a ball,' makes a child feel bad and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy," says Dr. Heins. "A person who wouldn't dare say something like that to a co-worker can say the most terrible things to the person they love most."
While Dr. Heins acknowledges that there are some people who are, unfortunately, just mean and like to see others squirm, she says that most parents who say hurtful things to their children do so out of a misguided idea of what they need to accomplish as parents.
Often parents think their job is to socialize that child any way they can. And, while that's correct, it's important to do it in a way that keeps a child's self-esteem intact.
Rona Renner, R.N., who hosts the radio program Childhood Matters, points out that the problem of yelling is often complicated by the fact that the parent who yells probably had parents who yelled. 
We tend to mimic our parents' parenting style even if it wasn't a very effective one. This is when she recommends parenting workshops or anger management classes to teach more positive skills.
"The key is to list what situation makes you angry and how angry do you get?" says Renner. "Also, how much anger do you actually express? If you feel a 10, but only express a five, that's not too bad. Then you need to look at what happened when you were angry. Did you fight? Did your child cry? Did you hit? Do the children keep doing the same thing over and over? Most importantly, how did you feel when it was all over? Probably pretty bad. That will naturally lead to you asking, 'What can I do instead?'"
